F’ing Live

If only I were 5″7 instead of 5″4. I wish I were five lbs lighter. I’d rather have straight than wavy hair. If only my eye sight were 20/20. Shoulda gone to Harvard. Or Stanford. Or maybe Yale. Why didn’t I marry the one who got away? He was and still is the perfect man, you idiot. Would life be easier if I weren’t Asian? Do I lose out on opportunities because I’m female??

…we all have them. Secret desires. Insecurities. What ifs. Traits we wish we could change, because we think of the cards dealt to us as flaws, holding us back from being a CEO. Having the perfect man/woman. Being an A-list actor, famous singer or even a super model.  We are the hardest judges of ourselves, for not being __________ enough and allow so called shortcomings to hold us back.

Stop.

Seriously.

Knock it off.

It is impossible to be Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, President Obama, Tom Brady or even the colleague, friend or family member we envy. We are all different and that’s what makes life so fucking fantastic.

Do I ever think any of those thoughts up there? Sure I did. But I learned as a child, dwelling on things we cannot change, 99% of the time leads to negativity. I’ve attempted reshuffling the cards that were dealt to me, by trying to be someone I am not. I’ve watched others live as people they thought they wanted to be. In the end, that mentality of our twisted minds leads to endless misery.

Success, only comes with confidence. Confidence is bred through a mindset to know, accept and use our strengths and weaknesses to achieve goals. It’s the only way to live. The only way to succeed.

Why am I bothering to blog about this?

Well the other day, I came across this piece: “Four Ways Women Stunt Their Careers Unintentionally” via HBR. The gist, is how an extensive study via Europe’s Institute of Leadership and Management, found women in the workplace generally have less confidence than men, and how that gap holds women back from achieving our full potentials.

Fair enough.

But this excerpt in particular, resonated:

The study also found that this lack of confidence extends to a more cautious approach to applying for jobs and promotions: 20% of men said they would apply for a role despite only partially meeting its job description, compared to 14% of women.

Lack of confidence, doesn’t apply only to females. It applies to 80% males, too. Sure, with females, we tend to be more timid but if you ask me, the number of people -male and female- going for the ask, is too low.

So if you are one of the % of people holding back from reaching your potential: whatever the mental block may be, tell it to fuck off. I say this over and over and will continue saying:

Life is too short.

We are 1 of 7 billion on the planet. We have nothing to lose, but time.

So screw pride.
Forget your ego.
We only have one life. Just fucking LIVE.

The worst that can happen, is a no. Don’t let fear of rejection ever get in the way of living. Who cares what one, two or even ten people think about you.

There are 7 billion people on this planet.

There is only one life. Don’t ever waste it. LIVE.

(ps: thoughtful comments here, too.)

The Power of Vulnerability #thankyouSteveJobs

It’s been several hours since hearing about Steve Jobs passing away. I am still sitting in front of my computer, stunned.

The last time I felt this numb was when my mother left the planet…which probably sounds silly, dramatic and insane, to compare a complete stranger’s death to my own flesh and blood’s.

Judge away.

You see, I was taught to suppress emotions. To be as private as possible, and sure enough, that is the way I have always been…or was. Recently, I started noticing that I may not be the person I was raised to be, for with every instance I do open myself up, I realize I am growing stronger. The more vulnerable I become the stronger I feel, which is something completely new to me. Fast forward a few months of trying this thing called opening up, and I am now a believer in the power of vulnerability.

With vulnerability, I now have the strength to be honest with myself. That honesty, is enabling me to be more in-tune with myself than ever before…and because I know myself, there is nothing — nothing, that scares me. Don’t get me wrong, I have always lived life with almost zero fear, taken risks, never afraid of failure, followed my gut and found ways to just…figure it out — traits that were passed down from my father. Because of that DNA, I have seen things, been places, experienced more lives that even I at times have a hard time believing.

Then, my mother died.

Mean What You Say. Say What You Mean.

Pick one: love or money?

Seems like such a simple question with a no brainer answer. When I asked my Twitter and Facebook friends, I got a bunch of immediate responses. Of course, most said ‘love’.

After purposely waiting for some time, I then asked:

I’ve had someone choose money (well, a lifestlye) over me – and it sucks. I have and always been a person who places more weight on a person’s abilities to be honest to and with themselves. It’s near impossible for humans to always say what they mean or mean what they say. To me, it’s more about having the courage to be honest with yourselves and those you care about. Though lately, I’m starting to wonder if this is too much to ask of others.

But at the end of the day, I’m with Arrington all the way who expressed it best:

Dear self, permanently bookmark this post as a reminder you choose honesty. That you are honest to yourself and those around you. That there are others like you who can be honest to themselves and those they love. And most importantly, do not ever doubt yourself for having standards and expectations.

#selfreflectionsunday

(ps: I know the math up there is wrong — silly little thing called details ;))