F’ing Live

If only I were 5″7 instead of 5″4. I wish I were five lbs lighter. I’d rather have straight than wavy hair. If only my eye sight were 20/20. Shoulda gone to Harvard. Or Stanford. Or maybe Yale. Why didn’t I marry the one who got away? He was and still is the perfect man, you idiot. Would life be easier if I weren’t Asian? Do I lose out on opportunities because I’m female??

…we all have them. Secret desires. Insecurities. What ifs. Traits we wish we could change, because we think of the cards dealt to us as flaws, holding us back from being a CEO. Having the perfect man/woman. Being an A-list actor, famous singer or even a super model.  We are the hardest judges of ourselves, for not being __________ enough and allow so called shortcomings to hold us back.

Stop.

Seriously.

Knock it off.

It is impossible to be Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, President Obama, Tom Brady or even the colleague, friend or family member we envy. We are all different and that’s what makes life so fucking fantastic.

Do I ever think any of those thoughts up there? Sure I did. But I learned as a child, dwelling on things we cannot change, 99% of the time leads to negativity. I’ve attempted reshuffling the cards that were dealt to me, by trying to be someone I am not. I’ve watched others live as people they thought they wanted to be. In the end, that mentality of our twisted minds leads to endless misery.

Success, only comes with confidence. Confidence is bred through a mindset to know, accept and use our strengths and weaknesses to achieve goals. It’s the only way to live. The only way to succeed.

Why am I bothering to blog about this?

Well the other day, I came across this piece: “Four Ways Women Stunt Their Careers Unintentionally” via HBR. The gist, is how an extensive study via Europe’s Institute of Leadership and Management, found women in the workplace generally have less confidence than men, and how that gap holds women back from achieving our full potentials.

Fair enough.

But this excerpt in particular, resonated:

The study also found that this lack of confidence extends to a more cautious approach to applying for jobs and promotions: 20% of men said they would apply for a role despite only partially meeting its job description, compared to 14% of women.

Lack of confidence, doesn’t apply only to females. It applies to 80% males, too. Sure, with females, we tend to be more timid but if you ask me, the number of people -male and female- going for the ask, is too low.

So if you are one of the % of people holding back from reaching your potential: whatever the mental block may be, tell it to fuck off. I say this over and over and will continue saying:

Life is too short.

We are 1 of 7 billion on the planet. We have nothing to lose, but time.


So screw pride.

Forget your ego.
We only have one life. Just fucking LIVE.

The worst that can happen, is a no. Don’t let fear of rejection ever get in the way of living. Who cares what one, two or even ten people think about you.

There are 7 billion people on this planet.

There is only one life. Don’t ever waste it. LIVE.

(ps: thoughtful comments here, too.)

10 comments

  1. t1theinfamous

    Great post but I don’t think the worst thing that can happen is a simple no. Depending on what you’re doing in life that worst thing can cost you your house. I think some people never go for their ultimate goals in life because they know that if they fail they don’t go back to square 1, they go back to square 0. So it isn’t really so much of a fear of doing it as it’s really a fear of doing it at the wrong time and running the risk of losing everything. At least that’s how it is for me. I’m pretty confident in myself but I do know that when I start showing off how confident I am it comes across as arrogance, me not taking the task or you seriously and just me being a complete dick to people. I’ve had that bite me in the ass so many times that I’ve begun to pretty much hide all signs of ever being confident in anything even when it’s something I know I’m good at and that doesn’t really help either because it gives off the impression of ineptitude and weakness. Both of those scenarios have actually cost me jobs and a boatload of money. I guess I haven’t found a middle point that lets people know that I’m extremely confident but not some sort of arrogant jerk that doesn’t take his work seriously.

    Also, I’ve never gone for a job that I knew I was grossly unqualified for. I know that it’s a total waste of time and energy on both sides. And despite the fact that in a perfect world it wouldn’t matter what other people think of me I know that what other people think of me can have an effect on how far I actually go in life because a lot of times it’s not what you know but who you know. Yes, I know that life is about living but I do want to live it inside the comfort of a home with electricity and running water.

    Sorry about the rambling. I haven’t slept in a couple of days and I had a lot on my mind.

  2. Mona Nomura (@Mona)

    Perhaps I should add, this is assuming one already has common sense and tact ;)

    Not encouraging people to go so wild and crazy they lose their home yo. It’s all about racing towards your goals, with full force and no fear.

    And why wouldn’t you apply for a job you know you can perform? Anyone with a library card and ability to type can connect to the Internet and attain skills. It’s the will and drive to do that, that is rare.

  3. Health Conscious

    I love this !

    It takes a lot of time for me to take risks too, but most times I feel better having done something (even if the consequences are horrible) than I would have felt not doing it for fear of failure!

  4. TheXenocide

    Well milady, your timing is impeccable (well, really my timing in stumbling here, but we’ll let you have the credit). Sadly I’m loathing a conversation I must have in… well… I guess I’m gonna leave after this comment lol. It’s sad because she’s nice and pretty and has a job; maybe not quite as nerdy as I’d seek, but she seems cool with it at least. All in all a “good girl” I had hoped. That said, sadly, she may be too attached to insecurity (and people’s temporary ego-boosting responses) to ever see this truth and I’ve realized I won’t be able to deal with that indefinitely.

    Hmm… considering that context, I have decided that you deserve dinner and adventure. I don’t even remember what rabbit hole I took to wind up here (it involved Tumblr and single geeks) but you deserve a refreshing experience and I have traveling to do. I’d blogstalk you a bit more to figure out where I should peruse adventure options from, but I’m out of time. Actually, I guess it might be worth mentioning I’ve never offered dinner to someone on the internet before lol. Normally I wouldn’t consider this a viable medium to “meet chicks” (and if you’re anything like me, you may well ignore this) but you hit the nail on the head at 0-hour and I’m open to discovering I was wrong.

    TTFN,
    -Jason

    Oh, here’s me, might be important: http://xenostumblr.extendev.org/tagged/me/page/4
    I’m sure you can find your way around from there.

  5. Chevalier

    Just for the accuracy of it (it doesnt change the point of the post):
    20% of men (half of total population, 50%) + 14% of women (the other half, 50%) = 27% of total population.

    It would be more obvious if percentages were large like 50,50 or 60,50 where total percentage would be 50% and 55% recpectively, and obviously not 100% or 110%.

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