(image via Instagram)

Back in 2008 I told myself I wouldn’t invest in an eReader.
Fast forward three years and I am eating my words.

But I can’t help it. The Kindle was a gift.

…ok. Fine. That’s a lie.

I invested in a Nook during the summer and kept mum about my purchase because I have been so vocal about anti-eReaders for so long. But I hadn’t picked up a book in three-four years. My face is always in my iPhone, browsing the Internet, while people in the city would whip out their Kindles or Nooks, even if it was reading one or two pages. I would observe, feel a pang of jealousy and put my face back in my phone.

I tried carrying a book around but it just didn’t work. It wasn’t happening. I knew it was time to give into the eReader world.

So I researched. Read reviews. Compared book catalogs and chose the Nook over the Kindle, for one reason: aesthetics. The book selections between Barnes and Amazon were pretty much the same. The Nook was more elegant – smaller and sleeker – at that time. After only a day of ownership, I was sold. That ugly green-ish tint and all. (There’s a reason it’s that faded spinach green btw. It is really easy on the eyes.) And I must admit, I’ve read more books since August than in the past three years.

I was happy.

Then, the new generation of Kindles came out and the new Kindles looked fantastic. I’ve been pretty much obsessed with owning one since.

This year, Santa came early and someone I adore bought me a Kindle (thank you, btw!) I unwrapped the Kindle and holy smokes, what a difference. The overall quality is just, well, better compared to the Nook. From the look, feel to even the response time, the Kindle blows the Nook out of the water. The standard case with the built in light also trumps any of cases and/or lights available for the Nook.

As for the model, I chose the Touch. Only because color hurts my eyes.
I am in love with the Kindle and for those of you still on the fence: DO IT.
Convert. It will change. your. life.

And if you’ve told people you would never move over to the dark side, don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. Plus, Kindles are small enough no one would notice you’re carrying one ;)

[EDIT]
There are helpful discussions happening on my Facebook here and Google+ here.
If you need reading recommendations, there are heaps of them here and here.

Thanks to all of my friends, acquaintances and even strangers chiming in. I love the Internet!

…we all have them. Secret desires. Insecurities. What ifs. Traits we wish we could change, because we think of the cards dealt to us as flaws, holding us back from being a CEO. Having the perfect man/woman. An A-list actor. That famous singer or even a super model.  We are the hardest judges of ourselves, for not being __________ enough and allow so called shortcomings to hold us back.

Stop.

Seriously.

Knock it off.

It is impossible to be Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Angelina Jolie, Bill Gates, President Obama, Tom Brady or even the colleague, friend or family member we envy. We are all different and that’s what makes life so fucking fantastic.

Do I ever think any of those thoughts up there? Sure I did. But I learned as a child, dwelling on things we cannot change, 99% of the time leads to negativity. I’ve attempted reshuffling the cards that were dealt to me, by trying to be someone I am not. I’ve watched others live as people they thought they wanted to be. In the end, that mentality of our twisted minds leads to endless misery.

Success, only comes with confidence. Confidence is bred through a mindset to know, accept and use our strengths and weaknesses to achieve goals. It’s the only way to live. The only way to succeed.

Why am I bothering to blog about this?

Well the other day, I came across this piece: “Four Ways Women Stunt Their Careers Unintentionally” via HBR. The gist, is how an extensive study via Europe’s Institute of Leadership and Management, found women in the workplace generally have less confidence than men, and how that gap holds women back from achieving our full potentials.

Fair enough.

But this excerpt in particular, resonated:

The study also found that this lack of confidence extends to a more cautious approach to applying for jobs and promotions: 20% of men said they would apply for a role despite only partially meeting its job description, compared to 14% of women.

Lack of confidence, doesn’t apply only to females. It applies to 80% males, too. Sure, with females, we tend to be more timid but if you ask me, the number of people -male and female- going for the ask, is too low.

So if you are one of the 34% of people holding back from reaching your potential: whatever the mental block may be, tell it to fuck off. I say this over and over and will continue saying:

Life is too short.

We are 1 of 7 billion on the planet. We have nothing to lose, but time.

So screw pride.
Forget your ego.
We only have one life. Just fucking LIVE.

The worst that can happen, is a no. Don’t let fear of rejection ever get in the way of living. Who cares what one, two or even ten people think about you.

There are 7 billion people on this planet.

There is only one life. Don’t ever waste it. LIVE.

(ps: thoughtful comments here, too.)

The last time I felt this numb was when my mother left the planet…which probably sounds silly, dramatic and insane, to compare a complete stranger’s death to my own flesh and blood’s.

Judge away.

You see, I was taught to suppress emotions. To be as private as possible, and sure enough, that is the way I have always been…or was. Recently, I started noticing that I may not be the person I was raised to be, for with every instance I do open myself up, I realize I am growing stronger. The more vulnerable I become the stronger I feel, which is something completely new to me. Fast forward a few months of trying this thing called opening up, and I am now a believer in the power of vulnerability.

With vulnerability, I now have the strength to be honest with myself. That honesty, is enabling me to be more in-tune with myself than ever before…and because I know myself, there is nothing — nothing, that scares me. Don’t get me wrong, I have always lived life with almost zero fear, taken risks, never afraid of failure, followed my gut and found ways to just…figure it out — traits that were passed down from my father. Because of that DNA, I have seen things, been places, experienced more lives that even I at times have a hard time believing.

Then, my mother died.

I had no idea how to deal with her death. All my life, I’ve moved full steam ahead, never looking back. In retrospect, I now see my risk taking and optimism wasn’t courageous. And how that false courage was there to help power me forward, because I didn’t have true courage nor the strength, to deal with real problems.

My mother has almost everything to do with my ability to finally grow up. Her death was perhaps the hardest thing I’ve experienced, starting with making sense of our complex relationship. She was my very best friend. My role model and hero. As much as the everything she was, she was also the only person on this Earth whose words and actions cut as deep as they did. I was always never _________ enough; the blank, interchangeable with any word that means inadequate.

When she was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer, she did not tell my brother and me and only survived for 4 months. My brother and I got the call moments before her passing, that she was on her death bead. We didn’t get to spend any of her last days together.

But what she did leave behind was a journal, documenting the last months leading to her death. Every day, she wrote multiple entries, about her regrets, what-ifs and shoulda-coulda-wouldas. Every entry was filled with negativity. Page after page of her not being __________ enough.

As her last days drew closer, the tone of her writing changed. Suddenly, she started seeing what she did have, as opposed to what she didn’t and became appreciative. Mainly, of mundane things, like the smell of pavement after the rain. Or how amusing bread popping out of a toaster was. Silly child-like musings continued but those thoughts made me smile. I was comforted, knowing she was finally…happy, as all of her life, she was a miserable individual always concerned with what she didn’t have. Her biggest worry being wealth, even if she made more than enough to retire before 50. With my mother, nothing was ever enough.

Growing up with a mother always chasing what she didn’t have, making her and everyone around her miserable, gave me perspective early on. Influenced my outlook on things and life. As I grew older, the resentment of an absent parent turned to sadness. I couldn’t help her. Nor change her situation. All I could do, was be supportive and empathetic as I can. So knowing she spent at least some portion of her life happy, truly happy, gave me peace. Her very last entry, she wrote how she was the happiest, most fortunate person in the world because of me, my brother and her boyfriend, gave me closure and a deep understanding of life. What is important. What I should focus on and how to live — really live — being honest to myself and those I love.

My mother, who was an incredible individual but an awful wife and mother, left behind invaluable life-lessons that up until now, I have only shared with a select few. She is also the one person who inspires me to be courageous from inside-out. It took a while after her death to get here, but I can now say, I am no longer running. Running on adrenaline. Nor running from anything.

It’s still baffling how my mother’s death impacted me so positively. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s normal or okay, to take such a horrible thing as death and turn it into something that benefits me. But after four years, I am finally allowing myself to admit my mother’s purpose in life was served. I am not a parent, but I imagine every parent would want their child to be the absolute best they can always be to themselves, their loved ones and to the world. Because of my mother, I am able to do so…or at least die trying.

So the reason Steve Jobs’ passing has impacted me so, is because just like my mother, Steve Jobs left behind life lessons, inspirations and wisdom. My hope, is for you — whoever you are reading this — to take what you can, from what he left behind, before it’s too late. Life is short. Live it to the fullest.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. — Steve Jobs

Thank you for everything, Steve Jobs.

Image via http://jmak.tumblr.com/post/9377189056

Seems like such a simple question with a no brainer answer. When I asked my Twitter and Facebook friends, I got a bunch of immediate responses. Of course, most said ‘love’.

After purposely waiting for some time, I then asked:

I’ve had someone choose money (well, a lifestlye) over me – and it sucks. I have and always been a person who places more weight on a person’s abilities to be honest to and with themselves. It’s near impossible for humans to always say what they mean or mean what they say. To me, it’s more about having the courage to be honest with yourselves and those you care about. Though lately, I’m starting to wonder if this is too much to ask of others.

But at the end of the day, I’m with Arrington all the way who expressed it best:

Dear self, permanently bookmark this post as a reminder you choose honesty. That you are honest to yourself and those around you. That there are others like you who can be honest to themselves and those they love. And most importantly, do not ever doubt yourself for having standards and expectations.

#selfreflectionsunday

(ps: I know the math up there is wrong — silly little thing called details ;))

Well, whaddya know? I think it worked. I started noticing fundamental thinking patterns changing.
My brain now naturally:

organizes — most email programs have filters, folders, labels and other misc. tools to assist with organization. Since I constantly think of ways to keep my inboxes organized, I trained my brain to framework problems with the end goal in mind. i.e., how do I manage massive email loads (work-flow) for constant and consistent tidy inboxes (end-goal).

prioritizes efficiently — everyone has different prioritization methods when it comes to email. I’ve found that when I do not reply right when I read the mail, the probability of not responding is almost 99.9999999999991%.

So I figured out a system. If the email needs a response, I reply right away. If the email is a task, I label it as a To-Do (with a fire engine red label so the email is right in. my. face.) and keep it in my inbox. All emails I do not respond to, are immediately deleted/archived.

Sounds like a lot of effort, but as soon as this work-flow became routine, I do the above every time new mail comes in while working on other things. If something urgent comes up or I am interrupted, the current task at hand is in my inbox as an incomplete To-Do. Multi-tasking at its finest? Naaaah. It’s simply habit that came to be, as the end goal (tidy inbox) is always in the back of my mind. It also helps my email programs are off the hook: Gmail, Sparrow and the number one email client used the most: iPhone.

Now, my brain automatically prioritizes most efficient ways to achieve goals even outside of email.

and
focuses on what I will do vs. what I won’t do — we all strive to be efficient, responsible, responsive and reliable. My daily goal of inbox zero forces prioritization in order to be efficient, responsible, responsive and reliable. The one thing I found through many many (and I mean A LOT) of mistakes, failures and OOPSIES is: honesty is a must. The countless number of trials and errors of:
- taking on too much
- inability to delegate
- not knowing what I will realistically accomplish and what I can not
have taught me the importance of knowing myself, realistic time/workload management and how to be and stay the best I can always be.

The above may sound a bit hokey, but it just so happens to mirror characteristics HBR and best selling biz management books says are success factors. And look! Those skills also resemble Bill Gates’ fundamental framework - who, you know, is kinda sorta successful.

So unless you’re a journalist or spammer, Inbox 0 is an attainable daily goal.
Try it. I dare you.

Suggested reading: “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” – David Allen (Over drinks, a CEO friend of mine who I respect and adore told me in passing about GTD. I downloaded and read a bit – it’s pretty amazing. Good luck!

*Met either in passing or formally introduced. This is informal research, but the way I’ve gathered the information:
- peek at their phone screens. Since I’ve had almost every phone on the market, I can determine within two seconds if they have a lot of email or less than double digits
- ask. This may sound stupid, but I have close to zero fear (shame?) and will ask almost anything within the parameters of common sense, common courtesy that has legitimate reasoning…in the utmost polite way possible, of course
- ask their assistants / EAs or people around them.
- if all else fails, I Google. Who would’ve thought Ron Conway answers emails in 2 minutes. I can’t even begin to imagine how many emails the man gets in a day but more so, think about how it is he is able to respond in 2 minutes. Highly doubt that was a one time occurrence, and he has a method of organizing and prioritizing email.

Seriously. I was cringing reading that piece so guess what. Oh yes I AM blogging about this. Dear Juliet: From one female to another? SHUT YOUR PIE INTERNET-HOLE AND STEP YOUR GAME UP!!

“I am not slutty enough for New York.” – really? REALLY? Have you and your ‘myriad friends’ ever dated outside of NY? I’ve lived in several cities over the past years, and the dating pool is of much higher calibre in NYC than any. other. city.

The men here are intelligent, charming, chivalrous gentleman and I’ve yet to come across socially awkward jerks who try to sleep with me before dessert… which is waaaaaay more than I can say about LA, SF and even Seattle.

The laundry list of complaints you have about game playing? All the overanalyzing? KNOCK IT OFF and Be. Your. Self. Don’t waste your time or his!

Dating is not rocket science! I don’t sleep around, have one night stands nor do I have sex on the first date…yet I have zero dating issues. Conversely, my days are jam packed. NYC is the. best. city to be single.

Your problem is not the men. Simply, you need to learn how to properly play the game. Instead of saying directly: “I don’t have sex on the first date!” – which basically translates to: “This female is gonna end up a nag/annoying/pest” in man language. Try rephrasing in flirty ways – a language men understand. (DUH)

Wake-up.

At the end of the day, females are treated the way they present themselves. It’s the fine line between high maintenance and easy going. Playful and flirty yet not a slut. Intelligent and independent while being feminine. Be irresistible. Fun. Sexy. Make him think about you. Want you. So much so, he courts and keeps courting you.

Dating 101!!

So instead of blaming an entire city for sucking, take a step back and look at yourself. From the way you sound, I am 99.99999% convinced you and your friends will run into the same issues over and over, regardless of geographic location. Then BOOM. You’ll end up even more bitter and cynical than you are now. This is when you will be doomed, as a boo-boo faced vibe is one males AND females pick up – ever heard of ‘misery loves company’? Then when that happens, people (males and females) don’t walk. They RUN.

Your ‘insight’ is a steaming pile of BS. Get over yourself and your issues, then perhaps you will enjoy a healthy dating lifestyle. Just saying.

Though now that I think about it, frustrated females like her and her friends, make females like me a catch. Actually… perhaps I shouldn’t post this… ;)

Given my experience, no matter how exceptional a leader is, an established company that’s reached their peak has so many bad apples the environment is toxic. Our daily lives are filled with politics, egos, people only looking out for themselves and their well-beings. Can you blame the bad apples, though? If you’ve ever been with a company during shaky times with over 100…no, even as low as 50 employees, most of the company is on the defense. People are terrified of being laid-off. We have bills to pay. Families to support, it’s human nature to become toxic or the bad apple, if you will. The moral is down the toilet and if you think about it, why would anyone choose to subject their best in a gross environment?

I can’t be the only one who thinks Yahoo is doomed for failure because of all the BS politics…am I? Especially since Yahoo is a tech company. In a company that is centered around product, it’s all about shipping, iterating – rinse and repeat. I don’t even remember the last time Yahoo shipped something, well, dated and remarkable.

Frankly, I’m waiting for an established VC, investor, super angel, industry analyst, journalist, blogger – someone, anyone, to come out and challenge Yahoo to gut the entire company. To rebuild fresh in a start-up like environment. Seat everyone in an open space (maybe Pier 38?). Have a strict minimal email policy. Ban meetings after meetings after meetings. Let people with the wills, hearts and souls to see the company succeed, duke it out, face to face to ship and execute.

I can’t be the only crazy who thinks this…am I?

Well, either which way, I’m bored by the Yahoo news. Wake me up when there’s something to learn vs reading endless pontification.

I know. I’ve been there. We all have.

Some of you may still be there but don’t get caught in the downwards spiral. There is always a solution – we just need the courage to face the solution. Sure, it is easier to say: “It’s complicated.” and push our realities away. But take a step back, breathe and think of ways to change whatever is causing your pain.

Am I making this sound too easy? Well, it is. Everything in life is really simple. We are the ones who choose to make things complicated. Things don’t change. People don’t change. The only thing we can change, is ourselves. And by changing ourselves, we become a solution and while we work towards solving the problem, things change. We change. It’s really that simple.

These are lessons I picked up along the way, but a dying parent had the most significant impact. My mother passed away from cancer in 2006. There is no solution to a dying parent – especially when they are diagnosed with a terminal illness. What I did do and still do on a daily is tell myself how grateful I should be that with my mother’s death, she left behind wisdom that takes people a life time to learn: life is too short.

So change yourself. Your situation. Do something. Change something. We only have one life.

Where there is a will, there is always a way. Look at Alan Turing who spent his lifetime to prove all problems can be solved. But even after all of his accomplishments, Turing’s legacy (at least to me) is: given the right approach and with time, there is always an answer.

We are not genius mathematicians like Turing but we are humans just like him. Take the lessens he left behind. Don’t waste precious time. Train the brain to approach things head-on and as soon as you empower yourself with the comfort of knowing that everything will work out and things do get better, you will find the courage to simplify yourself and your life.

Here’s a challenge. The next time you find yourself in your head, try thinking as Bill Gates does:

1. Prioritize
2. Ask smarter questions
3. Make data-driven decisions
4. Divorce your ego
5. Frame the problem
6. Get perspective on the problem
7. Model the problem
8. Think of the system and the ecosystem
9. Think of the problem over time
10. Think strategically

With that, I leave you with words from the great Steve Jobs, who keeps me practicing what I preach:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.“

After skimming through my Twitter and Facebook, my face flushed. He was right. A lot of my shares lately have been cheesy inspirational crap. An over abundance of Steve Jobs quotes. Tips on minimalistic mindsets. How to find your center, balance, how to hold hands with your worst enemy, etc. etc.

Seriously. I should rename my blog to butterflies-and-rainbow-kumbaya-vomit.

Well. Perhaps it was the rough month of August. Or it could simply be my old age but all the inspirational reading helped a lot. Needed a few reminders about what I knew. Or what I thought I knew as the more I grow-up, the less energy I spend on things that are out of my control. On a superficial level, it’s easy to be and stay composed, as I’ve mastered the art of determining how much time, effort and emotions I want to invest in almost every thing I do in life. That way, if I make a mistake or bad judgment call, I brush it off and happily go on with my day. But on the true, real, where it matters the most level? FAIL.

The one thing that’s helped me, is figuring out long ago: people do not change. Since the only thing I can change is my self, subconsciously, I became well versed in self-control and discipline (or stubbornness) especially when emotions are involved.

But as I become more honest with myself, the more I become in tune with myself. The more I become in tune with myself, the more I see: the majority of my displayed strength is a facade. A defense mechanism, if you will, to never let anyone see my weaknesses. Vulnerabilities. Frailties. Now that I identified, acknowledged and embraced weakness, vulnerability and frailities, the need to work on how to be strong and weak at the same time. To find balance. To remain true to myself, while allowing myself to live. To love…is clear. Crystal frickin’ clear.

So I’m learning. I want to learn. I have to learn, to be the best I can be every second of every day.

So pardon all the cheesy junk that may flow through your streams.
My hope is, if articles that touched or inspired me affects even one person, I will happily take all your smack talking. Because I am still me. The one who has no problems telling people to ‘SHUT YOUR TWITTER/FACEBOOK/INTERNET-HOLES’ ;)

Until then, remember that I am perfectly flawed. A constant work in progress. I am weak and fragile just like any other person.

I am human, too.
(Ok, fine. Sometimes binary. 0101, Mona)

What a gigantic mistake. I was wrong.
Boy, was I wrong.

It started with underestimating the distance. Then, overestimating my superpowers equals formula for Fin disaster. You better believe I paid for it. Big time. What – in theory – was only supposed to be a 3-4 hour move? Ended up taking all. frickin’. day.

After about the fourth-ish leg, I knew that in order for me to keep it together, I needed moral support. Turning to friends via phone calls / texts / Facebook something, anything, to find people I love cheering me on was exactly what I needed. Encouragement helped me push through. And it worked. I did it.

Ok, fine. So it took about a good eight hours. A few ‘I am independent and bad-ass yet still can be a damsel in distress’ acts for kind strangers to help with the super heavy stuff. But still, I hauled most of my crap all by myself. Didn’t call the people who offered to help me move. I didn’t even cab it! And you know what? It feels DAMN good. I don’t remember the last time I felt this empowered (in my personal life).

So New York? You may have kicked my ass through the apartment hunting process but in the end, I OWNED YOUR ASS, BITCH!

It’s true when they say if you make it here, you can make it anywhere. I feel like I can conquer the world.

Next up: world domination.
#bringit

If anyone’s interested in my semi-meltdowns, they’re on Facebook. I’m actually taking most of the really personal crap away from Twitter and back to Facebook, while slowly cutting down my friend’s list. So if I unfriend you, it’s not personal. It’s just that I don’t know you that well (or I’d rather not share my personal life with you, for whatever reason it may be).

For personal archiving: Meltdown one. Meltdown two. Meltdown three. Accomplishment. Koba. More convo.