Thank you, Everyone – but Seriously, What am I Even Doing Here?

Tomorrow is PixelBits’ one week anniversary, and all I can say is wow, what a week.

Everyone on FriendFeed is supportive, encouraging, and even kind enough to visit this blog and leave comments. Thank you everyone, you really don’t know how much it means to me :) Two extended thank yous to Louis Gray and Chris Pirillo for re-sharing mine, and the other FriendFeeders’ items. You two do so much for the FriendFeed community, and it feels… good to be included. I’ve just started blogging, and the both of you have already given me so much direction -not with what you say, but with what you do. So thank you so much.

With that said, I am having my very first identity crisis.

And it’s on the Internet. Go figure.

It seems a little irresponsible for me to admit this now, but I hit “publish” on my very first entry, without much thought. I knew I wanted to start blogging again, but my past blogs have been like me – all over the place. So with PixelBits, I wanted to narrow a focus, a purpose, and a direction. I had all these ideas swimming in my head… and without organizing them, I just… published. I ultimately decided to continue posting, and in time I would find the direction, the purpose, the focus, and (ultimately) reach my audience. The exact reason I didn’t import the feed into my FriendFeed stream… though it kinda didn’t work out that way.

Within the first hour of posting my first entry (well, aside from the “Hello World” generic post yet to be deleted), Louis made a post introducing this blog on FriendFeed. How did he find out? How did he… know?? Is he really the Internet?? Well, it turns out, since I linked his write-ups to mine, he was alerted of my blog linking to his site. OMG – how stupid can I be? Seriously. My very first FriendFeed post was well received (I think). People I never interacted with were complimenting my post and I was floored. Wow. Something I wrote was received that well? WOW

Call it positive reinforcement, but because of the tremendous feedback I received, I wrote my second entry. I wasn’t quite happy with it, but I thought it matched the tone of the first entry. The one that people were complimenting. Then for some bizarre reason, (read: Louis Gray), PixelBits appeared on TechMeme… well, it was more like dangling under Louis. ;) and when I jumped on FriendFeed, people were congratulating me. My subscriber list grew (thank you all for your support, BTW!), I’m ‘meeting’ more new people, and I’ve even been offered guest spots on other people’s blogs. Wow.

A few days later, another entry of mine made it onto TechMeme. Two times in one week… on TechMeme? And this time I’m on the very top?! How was this even possible??? I mean really, because of FriendFeed and the incredible people I’ve met on FF, I was included on this list of… tech-elites. Seriously, is this for real??? Heck, until a few days ago, I had no idea what TechMeme even was.

But the more I learned about what it meant to appear on TechMeme, my high kinda… sunk, and turned to embarrassment.

Looking through PixelBits my face burns up when I think of the people who may or may not have seen this disaster I call my blog. I mean really, what am I doing? Seriously? In the current state, PixelBits is LAME.

  1. It is all over the place. There is still no focus, no direction, no purpose.
  2. My grammar is absolutely horrendous. Missing commas, run-on sentences, fragments, incomplete sentences… I almost want to look for my elementary school text books.
  3. I still haven’t found my voice. Set my writing style, or my tone. Re-reading some of the entries, I am still not happy with them. It’s me, but then it’s not.

Who am I? And what am I doing? Why am I not happy with my postings? …and the answer was quite simple.

I wasn’t myself.

The reason I wasn’t myself? Simple again.

I wanted to keep catching the attention of the elite bloggers. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy my brief two seconds of Internet fame. Admittedly, I got caught up in the hoop-la. It felt good to be embraced by the established Internet community. I was on a high appearing on TechMeme, and even considered chasing the headlines, hoping to appear on TechMeme again.

But once I became truthful with myself, re-evaluating who I was writing for, why I was writing, and who I wanted to reach, was quite simple: an audience who would accept me for me. Just like how I would never choose to compromise myself in real life, I decided to be who I am on PixelBits.

So to those thrown off by my random egg entry, or put off by the Weather indicator for the stupidest people ever – I’m sorry if you came here looking for tech news or a FriendFeed related entry. Sure, I’m passionate about the Internet, and everything technology related, but I am a tad… out there? So I contemplated on publishing my first non-tech related entry, but when I did, it was… liberating. I may be a little too much for some people, but that’s me.

The most random things make me laugh and I want to share with the world my thoughts, my finds, anything and everything I’m excited about. But what I get excited about, is all over the place. From the latest news, newest electronics, software, hardware, Star Wars, LEGO lovin, weird food, extremely useless but fun gadgets, and bacon.. if it’s something I’m interested in, I want to tell everyone about it too :)

And that’s who I – and this blog – will continue to be.

Hopefully you (the reader) will continue to keep visiting. :)

Thank you for reading.

13 thoughts on “Thank you, Everyone – but Seriously, What am I Even Doing Here?

  1. Aaaaand Bacon!

    I’ll say I’m surprised you’ve reached this stage in the blogging cycle in such a short time Mona. But I think it’s good to have a think about these things, but no one’s blog is perfect. I just started mine (again) and I’m embarrassed too but *shrug* people love you on FF, and it’s all a journey.

    Keep it up!!! I love reading your posts on FF, especially on crappy work days!

  2. You know, it shows a great level of maturity for you to say this – if bloggers ever figure this out, it’s usually MONTHS into it (if they ever do at all). That, and I don’t think anybody would expect you to be anyone but yourself (and if they expect you to be someone else, that’s THEIR problem – not yours). ;)

  3. Sounds eerily similar to my re-entry to the blog world a while back. I had the same ID crisis. What should I write about? What would people want to read? What’s original? What I discovered was that everything I talk about is “original.” But what I could bring to the table was my life experiences. It’s about being a dad, working for my family, doing the things I like to do, talking about technology, yearning for an iPhone, etc. In the end, it was about just having an outlet to write. If people followed, I appreciated it. I have no need to have 20,000 people reading my blog. Just one reader is good enough for me, but not necessary. So the key is having an outlet to dump everything that’s in my head into the written word.

  4. Dear blogger, please relax & surrender yourself to the notion that people are curious to hear what you have to say, and they happen to like the blunt touching way you say it.
    The past few weeks on FF changed the way I access info, stories, it is an overwhelming stream of enrichment & conversation, and I think you are adding wonderful tunes to this stream.
    Keep on keeping on :-)

  5. I would have to say I’m in the same boat as you. Anyone who has actually read more than 1 post on my blog can see that I’m kinda confused as to where I wanna go. I get attention from two seemingly different audiences and I struggle with how to put the two together.

    I figure that people must keep visiting because the content is good, so I will just continue to write about what I want, how I want. If anything, there is always bacon.

  6. Keep being yourself, Mona. You’re a great read, fun to interact with, and I like that you’re not trying to fit a ‘how can I get more followers?’ mold. That, and anyone who loves bacon has to be okay, right?

  7. Everyone: thank you so much for your feedback, kind words, encouragement, and sharing your stories with me :) I am absolutely floored, and hope that each and every one of you know how much it truly means to me…. Thanks again.

  8. Nevertheless, I like your writing style!

    Mona, I’ve just found you on Frienderati.alltop.com, – as one of the 100 Best People for Friendfeed!, – and thought you may also be interested in appearing (placing your latest blog post) on my Frienderati.Mini-News.com

    Please note it’s NOT a copycat of AllTop:
    The idea behind it is *Absolutely Unique*
    — The Ads-FREE Web!

    Please also note that unlike AllTop, you need to apply for your space on Mini-News. It’s FREE, however, there is a “25 people only” limit for the Frienderati.Mini-News.com!

    The space is allocated on the “First-applied First-granted” basis!
    And YOU are among the FIRST people to whom I’m telling about it!!!

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