How to Explain SantaCon to a Four Year Old.

(Photo source.)

For those who don’t know what SantaCon is, it’s a day where people get dressed up as Santa, barhop and sing naughty carols in the streets. Usually, from early morning. It just so happened the day of SantaCon (today) I am babysitting. Despite what you may or may not have heard, I do not eat children -looking at you, Christine Lu!

Now SantaCon is marvelous…if you do not have to answer to a child. Think back to when you were little, before the holiday season meant mean, angry crowds or arguments over what to call it (Kwanzaa…) and how magical all things Christmas was? The decorations. The lights. The sounds. The smells. Remember when all things Christmas was simply wonderful? And of course, the mostest magicalest of all things magical: Santa.

I still remember counting the days, even minutes to that night when Santa flies the skies, sleigh full of presents with his team of reindeer and Rudolph leading the way. Worrying if I was good enough this year for Santa to shimmy down my chimney and leave a present under our tree. If the cookies we left were good enough for Santa to eat, and how I couldn’t wait for him to read the letter I left him. How I would stay up until as late as I could, anticipating the next morning to finally open the present Santa brought me and play with the toy the elves made…
Now picture you as that child who loves Christmas, witnessing obliterated Santas tearing up the city yelling obscenities.

Trauma, anyone?

So you better believe I prepared myself for when the four year old asks: “Why are there so many smelly, loud Santas?” or “What’s wrong with all these Santas who can’t walk straight?” and came up with these answers:

  • These people are dressed like Santa and celebrating loud in the streets to cheer him on. You know, because, Santa has to fly all over the world on Christmas Eve. Santa can see the entiiiiiiiiire world so they are rooting him on to give him strength on the 24th!
  • These people want to be like Santa so they are training. Santa can see the whoooooole world and they are trying to catch Santa’s attention! Too bad there can only be one Santa ;)
  • These are Santas helpers reminding everyone to be good or Santa’s not coming to your house! Why are they loud and talking funny? Because they ate way too many candy canes. This is what happens when humans eat too much candy.

Well. After all that thinking…she still hasn’t asked. Not gonna lie, I’m kinda bummed.


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