You Guys are NOT My Friends, Damnit!!

All you people that call yourselves my “friend”?

FIRED.

Every. single. one of you!!

Look, it’s no secret I’m not a writer, but if and when you see a typo, spelling or grammatical error, it is your responsibility as a literate person and friend to TELL ME.

Do you guys secretly enjoy seeing me look like an idiot?

Seriously, if I were in YOUR shoes, I would TOTALLY tell you – discreetly. You know, send an IM? Or what about this super duper high tech thing called e-mail? Perhaps even on FriendFeed.

Am I asking too much?

…ok, maybe I’m being dramatic. I don’t want to be put on blast, but wouldn’t you want someone to tell you? Only one person (publicly) corrected me – Yolanda. And THAT’S why Yolanda rules and I hate you all!

Quit Selling This Bastard Off-Spring Bootleg LEGO

15524614_00_bFor those who know me, you KNOW I am ALL about LEGO. My feed (on FriendFeed) is FILLED with LEGO. I kinda slack here, but there are LEGO posts, too. My hero? Jesus Diaz of Gizmodo, who went to the EFin LEGO factory in Europe. (OMG OMG OMG!!). And my biggest dream was to build the mother f*ckin 3.8k Death Star w/ Chris Pirillo.

I am FAR from a LEGO hater. BUT this thing is just… WRONG.

It doesn’t even look like LEGO! It’s generic, there’s something wrong with the finish, and the colors are simply ATROCIOUS.

It sorta reminds me of a missile pop or dollar store 4th of July decoration… on further thought, it’s like a patriotic cake gone horribly wrong. That thing pictured, truly hurts my feelings.

Urban Outfitters, please quit spreading this ugliness. LEGO is way too sacred to be tainted!!!!!!!

Link

-1UP as in Negative, no Extra Life, Please Try Again

marioflague_ps_modeled I love Mario. I love hoodies. And in theory, Mario + hoodie should work – right?

Wrong.

That pictured on the left? Possibly takes over BAPE hoodies, as the most unfortunate design. EVER. (and I still stand by my statement: BAPE = FruitRoll Up explosion)

But now that I think about it, the guy throwing up his thumb in a wanna be nerd-gangsta pose may have something to do with me being SO turned off. Upon closer inspection, the mushroom zipper is kinda hot. -just saying. (click picture to enlarge)

marioflague_ps_zpull

See the entire gallery and purchase here: link

Seven Tips for the Recently Laid Geek via BBspot

Follow these tips, and whether it’s your first time or your second time, they’ll make for a better post-coitus experience…

  1. Act like you’ve been there before – You’ve seen enough movies where the geek gets the girl, in fact those are probably your favorite genre of movie even surpassing comic-book superhero adaptations. High fives and end zone dances are amateurish. Show some class.
  2. Don’t post video – I know it’s tempting to post the secret webcam video you took of the event when someone asks for proof, but this could result in you being a recently-broken up geek when he or she finds the video. Or the recently-beaten to death geek which would be much worse.
  3. Stay in bed for at least ten minutes after – The guys in the guild will understand if you’re late for the raid on Blackwing Lair, but you might not get that kind of understanding from your partner.
  4. Facebook Status – Post-coitus don’t change your Facebook status to “<ME> has recently orgasmed.” You’ve probably friended your mom or your boss or your sister and they really don’t need that information.
  5. Save the rating for later – No matter how great it was, don’t tell him/her “5 stars. Would boink again!!!!” Save that for the nearly empty private journal you’ve been keeping since high school.
  6. Waste Disposal – Don’t forget drop the used condom in the Aperture Science Emergency Condom Incinerator before leaving. It takes away the worry about unexpected discovery by a third party, and keeps your room smelling of moldy pizza instead of, well, sex.
  7. Stop the Science Talk – People don’t want to hear about the biology, physics, or mathematics of what just happened. Save that for your thesis.

via BBspot – Seven Tips for the Recently Laid Geek

LOL!

So spill. Anyone guilty of one of those offenses?
Don’t worry — your secret’s safe with me. ;)

Pay to Be Ignored By Apple -YAY!

“The iPhone SDK’s NDA may have been relaxed several weeks ago, but Apple has just launched a forum for iPhone developers as part of its Developer Connection program.

Marked as being in “beta”, the forums are for members only – specifically, those in the iPhone Developer Standard Program, Enterprise Program, or University Program. You can log in using your Apple ID and password associated with your iPhone developer account.”

So not only do consumers get ignored by Apple, now devs can pay to get ignored by Apple and kvetch amongst themselves on the β forum. Hooray! How productive!

-rolls eyes-

via Apple Opens iPhone Developer Forums

Heros and Monday Night Football Rudely Interrupted by Microsoft’s Ads = GOLD

Taken from the Onion:

“The Microsoft ads, which began airing earlier this week, are being blamed for generating critical system errors in more than 70 million televisions. In addition, thousands of frustrated Americans said that the ads have caused their TVs to become unresponsive, their screens to turn blue, and a small box with the message “terminal application error” to suddenly appear.

“I was in the middle of watching Monday Night Football when, all of a sudden, that stupid ad comes on and my TV freezes up,” said Scottsdale, AZ resident Michael Chaplin, adding that he never wanted to see the commercial in the first place. “The next thing I know, all these numbers and symbols show up and I get an error message saying ‘invalid file format’ or something. Now my TV is ruined.”

The new ad campaign, which features footage of everyday Americans using PCs, was launched as an upgrade to the poorly performing Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates commercials, which suffered unspecified failures in two-thirds of U.S. households.” via “Microsoft Ad Campaign CrashingNation’s Televisions” The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

OMG I haven’t laughed this hard in a while… my stomach hurts. Poor Microsoft. Not only were the Seinfeld-Gates ads EPIC FAILs, they crashed national television. NATIONAL TV!! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA -breathe- HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Mk, I think I’m done.

Have a nice day.

ps: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Texas = BBQ, != Sushi

Contrary to what people believe, I am NOT a sushi snob. My levels of expectation per restaurant, geographic location, and restaurant differ. Just like how Mexican food has various establishements ie: Taco Bell, Chipotle, a hole in the wall taqueria, and a sit down restaurant are all “Mexican”, I don’t expect the same quality — do you? I don’t. And generally I’m pretty open minded when it comes to sushi. But Wazabi’s menu looks… well… wow.

via Wazabi – Sushi Bar

Do you see all the wrongs here?

  1. The lemon is carved into a teddy bear. A teddy bear! A stuffed animal! wtf!
  2. The second plate from the top is quite a mystery. I can’t decipher 98% of the food… and I’m Japanese! Is that… ketchup? On top of egg? WOW
  3. Are the rolls on the pink plate throwing up? :( And what is that goo all around it?
  4. The last plate is exploding with… sauces? I don’t know *what* that is and *why* the rolls are drowning in yellow stuff but soggy, saturated rice = Do Not Want!
I’m sorry (not really) but Texans? Please stick to BBQ. :\

Australian Bacon = WRONG

I’m sorry (well not really) but Australians do not know what bacon is.

What is that?! Looks more like ham to me. via Melbourne, Australia on Flickr – Photo Sharing

Ugh.

Upon more Googling, I also found Australians combine bananas with bacon. BANANAS? Ew, are you kidding me? Sure bacon and bananas both start with the letter “b”, but that is no excuse to serve the two together. UGH.


The clustermess of flavors aside, at least the photo is…um…pretty…? Still. That seems yucky. And outright wrong. (via tao of bacon) I also found an action video of Australian bacon cooking — McDonald’s style. Watch if you dare here.

These are the times I’m glad American bacon is… well… bacon. ;)

Handcrafted iPhone Worth More Than a Real One -WTF

I seriously thought I’ve seen it all, until this. A needle craft iPhone worth more than an actual iPhone! Now please, don’t get me wrong. I respect the hard work that goes into crafting but really? Two hundred fifty-five dollars? TWO HUNDRED and FIFTY FIVE! Wow.

I can’t be the only one that thinks this is absurd – or am I?
Would YOU pay that much for this?

At any rate, there is two more days left. This item is definitely going into my watch list. See more pictures after cut.

Continue reading

Custom Walmart Cakes. Ask and You Shall – precisely- Receive.

Why you should order cakes from Walmart. They follow directions. The exact directions:

Some people that work here had a going away party the other day for a woman that is leaving.

One of the supervisors called a Walmart and ordered the cake. he told them to write: “best wishes Suzanne” and underneath that write “we will miss you”. here’s the cake that was delivered:

Wow.
link