Dear May: please go away. #personal

You know? I used to love May.

May has a significant number of holidays in the Japanese and American cultures. It’s also the time of year when it starts warming up. There are many things I loved about May growing up — especially Mother’s Day. This was the one day, my mother loosened up and let me and my brother completely spoil her. The only day in 365 days where she showed appreciation.

Four years ago, everything changed.

My mom died on May 23rd, 2007 and since then, things have never been the same.  This is the one month I dread and still figuring out how to cope. They say it gets better with time. Well. I’m still waiting. Processing. Wondering, when it actually does. Though this year, is the first year I’ve been able to – or allowing myself to – vocalize my vulnerability. Perhaps it is getting better and I’m just caught in this spin cycle of empty, thus unable to objectively see myself.

Who knows. At least I’m keeping myself busy. Or attempting to.

So I leave you with the same thing I do every year: I am normally an extremely private person, but her story is so amazing, if anyone (aside myself) is inspired, that would be the best ode to her… :)

Enjoy.

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