Is this satire?
If not, there is something wrong with him.
Why would anyone apologize for being successful?
What a loser.
No wonder he FAILed.
EPIC FAIL
Woes of a Single Girl Geek
Being a geek girl rocks, but at the same time sucks. There are way too many assumptions and conversations take too long because I have to start by explaining and or proving myself. Otherwise, people are condescending.
ie:
“Aw, there’s something wrong with your PC? Is it plugged in?”
Please do not address me like a grandma on AOL. I’ve clean installed Windows, set up home networks and servers. Wha chu kno ’bout that?
“How cute, you like the Palm Pre. Not sure if it comes in pink.”
Pink + mobile = Microsoft’s Pink – and that is not happening. Otherwise, does not compute. I happen to be a huge mobile junkie and interested in more than just its looks.
“You should install this browser called Firefox and rid IE, you know.”
Uh, I switched to Firefox in 2003. Been using WebKit’s nightly build for quite some time now, thank you very much.
…on and on, the rude comments continue.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind AS much but people freak out when I can VPN, know how to get into terminal, troubleshoot CSS (if need be), use Google’s unofficial shell, know that cloud computing isn’t a computer thrown away by tossing into the sky, and hold my own in OpenSource, enterprise convos. I even have Dave Winer’s OPML editor installed and running a beta tool.
And yes, I am aware I wrote a paragraph justifying myself.
Anyway, as if that’s not enough to deal with, it sucks even more being a SINGLE geek girl. Why? Well:
How to Survive a Bad First Date (long version)
Ok. I lied. I didn’t run. Running away would’ve been horrible. My foot isn’t healed and the date would’ve caught up to me. Plus I may have been mistaken for a dine and ditcher – a bad date is not worth landing on Inside Edition. But most of all, it would’ve been bad manners.
However, I came up with five ways that’ll keep you occupied on a horrible date.
Get date to talk about themselves. Answer all questions with one word and throw the question back at him/her – this should keep your date occupied until the end of the night, which will give you freedom to:
- Count ceiling lights.
- Start a mental game of “I Spy”.
- Count the number of servers and bus boys.
- Memorize the menu (Wine menu included).
- Try to figure out the other patron’s drinks (cocktails are always fun)
And this should be enough to keep one busy through drinks and dinner. Tonight, I was reminded (once again) why I thoroughly screen – more on that later.
PREVENTION = KEY!
(image via nataliedee)
For those interested, details after jump.
How to Survive a Bad First Date
RUN
Details to follow.
FACEBOOK USERS: READ. NOW.
URGENT: I’ve been robbed and need help.
Imagine logging into Facebook and seeing a friend’s status message set to the above. What would you do?
Joaquin Grech saw his friend’s status message set to an urgent cry for help and immediately logged on to Facebook chat to ask: “What can I do to help?” The “friend” told him how she was robbed at the airport, needed to get back home, and asked him to wire her $600 to a certain address.
Luckily, Joaquin decided to ask questions confirming her identity before transferring the funds. When the “friend” couldn’t answer his questions, he knew her account was hacked and commented on her status message: “XXX’s account was hacked. Don’t send money.”
The hacker, deleted him from the account to prevent him from warning more people. At this time, he and I have no idea if people fell for it or if the scam artist received money. But the fact remains: her account was hacked and people may have been scammed.
The problem with Facebook is this:
Only after I Googled, revealed this phishing scam is old news. TechCrunch covered it on the 20th and WSF (Wall Street Journal) covered it yesterday.
Facebook knew of this scam for over three full business days. Why haven’t we been notified by Facebook?
How many people need to be scammed before Facebook finally notifies us? Well we’ll soon find out — on the six o’clock news. Unacceptable.
Take THAT Firefox – IE Can Do Something YOU Can’t Do
Neener neener neeeeeeener
(via here)
You Do Not Want To be My Friend. Really.
So a friend of mine is taking care of me,while my foot is EFd to the UP. I return her kindness by making her puke. Great. What a fitting way to kick off the New Year.
ANYway, the reason she yacked up her breakfast was over an EFin plant. Now before judging, please allow me to explain.
The other day, I received this um gift that apparently signifies good luck and fortune in my culture (Japanese). I totally thought it was a bonsai tree — ya, it happens all the time. People give me bonsai trees. I know it’s the thought that counts but come ON, be honest with yourselves. Can you genuinely say you’ve never gotten something you wished you didn’t? Well for me, that thing I appreciate but do not want are bonsai trees. I’d rather get a six pack of men’s socks or a box full of fruitcake.
It’s courteous, thoughtful, and flattering that people want to give me something close to my roots (I guess?) but Mister Miyagi (Karate Kid) changed the way Westerners gift my people forever. Bonsais are harder to care for than orchids and if you’re familiar with flowers and gardening, you know orchids are high maintenance. Those motherfuckers should be categorized outside of gardening and right into horticulture. Yes horticulture. As in, learning about greenery chromosomal genetic make-ups just to keep those things alive. I swear, orchids are more complicated than tending the little green patch clusterfuck app on Facebook. Crap, I digress.
Where was I? Oh right, the gift. Since I was expecting another bonsai, imagine my surprise when I opened the box. Behold. The most puzzling form of happy thoughts EVER. Continue reading
Gingerbread Houses – Have You Ever Made One?
So last week on Twirlit, I posted about Gingerbread Houses and how I’ve come across some that just blow my mind. I for one, have zero artistic ability (and no Internet shame) so I’ll share here what I didn’t share on Twirlit… My personal experience.
Seriously, the one time I attempted to construct one, it turned out all sorts of wrong. I got a kit since it seemed mindless, simple, and FAIL proof – right? Well… check this out:
FAIL
I followed the directions and it still turned out like that. How is that even possible? (picture circa 2005ish) Since then, I have Gingerbread House TRAUMA and have not attempted to make another.
Have you ever made one?
Swiss Cheese for Feet = WHY?
Seriously. These are my worst nightmare
Pile-o-ugly
Simply, blasphemous.
As if the colors aren’t bad enough, they’re rubber. RUBBER. Talk about hazardous. What happens when there’s a fire? Or the asphalt is scalding? Or you happen to trip in front of a hot motorcycle muffler and land with your feet up? Those suckers will burn and stick to your feet!
disclaimer: NOT based on actual research but my imagination. please don’t sue me for slander. k? thanks.
On top of that, there’s too much foot exposure going on.
And the holes on the side are just ALL sortsa wrong.
I’m sorry (not really) but I do not want to see cracked, ashy heels AND feet… not that I stare at strangers’ feet, but seriously. When you utilize public transpo as much as I do, it’s hard not seeing them and get outright disgusted. Simply put, Crocs are a waste of material and the ULTIMATE fashion faux-pauxs.
Why can’t they just… disappear? Dissipate? Remove itself from the world?!
BTW, these “actually cute Croc” boots? Do not count as Crocs.
For some reason this entry got A LOT of feedback on Facebook. You can see all the funny comments here.
Only in America: Deep Fried HOLY WTFs
You guys know I am obsessed with the Luther Burger, have challenged to consume a 12lb burger (will blog about that some other time), and infatuated by bizarre foods, but Asylum magazine’s: “Deadliest Dishes — 15 Delicacies That Might Kill You” even shocked me. It is not normal practice for me to post lists, but this one is a serious must see. Behold! A few of the highlights:
A steaming hot beef sundae, served with a pile of EFin HEART ATTACK. WHY would anyone think to pile beef, top it with chocolate syrup lookin’ like gravy, then top that with a mound of cheese? Who the f*ck concocts something like that? WHO?
Deep fried burger. As if a burger, with cheese, and grease isn’t already bad enough, some GENIUS thought of throwing it into a deep fryer. To make it even worse, it’s served with a side of fries. The least they could’ve done was make it half coleslaw. HELLLL-O coronary cloggage!
If you’re gonna shove a deep fried burger down your hatch, why not wash it down with a deep fried Coke. COKE THAT IS DEEP FRIED. HOW someone managed to toss liquid sugar into a fryer is way over my head. That is probably why the Coke looks like rabbit poo, but maybe I didn’t know the solid form of liquids are pellets, hence the reason I would never be able to accomplish such genius. At any which way: So. Ultra. Gross.
Chicken fried bacon…? I turned my head right. Then I turned it to the left. I even picked up my laptop and put the screen over my head to see if it would look…better(?) from various angles. But I still can not understand. WHAT ARE THOSE?! Is that really bacon in there? The pink that’s peeking out from the deep fried skin looks all sorts of weird. I love chicken and I looooooove me some bacon but I DO NOT want that. Yuck.
These foods are specialty / signature dishes of the great ‘ole U.S. of A., and though they may seem interesting? It is one of the culprits of why our country is the fattest nation in the world. Now please excuse me – gonna go grab some KFC. You know? Some REAL deep fried foods? HA.
See the entire list here.
Heros and Monday Night Football Rudely Interrupted by Microsoft’s Ads = GOLD
Taken from the Onion:
“The Microsoft ads, which began airing earlier this week, are being blamed for generating critical system errors in more than 70 million televisions. In addition, thousands of frustrated Americans said that the ads have caused their TVs to become unresponsive, their screens to turn blue, and a small box with the message “terminal application error” to suddenly appear.
“I was in the middle of watching Monday Night Football when, all of a sudden, that stupid ad comes on and my TV freezes up,” said Scottsdale, AZ resident Michael Chaplin, adding that he never wanted to see the commercial in the first place. “The next thing I know, all these numbers and symbols show up and I get an error message saying ‘invalid file format’ or something. Now my TV is ruined.”
The new ad campaign, which features footage of everyday Americans using PCs, was launched as an upgrade to the poorly performing Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates commercials, which suffered unspecified failures in two-thirds of U.S. households.” via “Microsoft Ad Campaign CrashingNation’s Televisions” The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
OMG I haven’t laughed this hard in a while… my stomach hurts. Poor Microsoft. Not only were the Seinfeld-Gates ads EPIC FAILs, they crashed national television. NATIONAL TV!! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA -breathe- HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Mk, I think I’m done.
Have a nice day.
ps: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PixelBits 